Red River 44

Thursday Morning, September 18th, 2012.... I dropped my kids off at a friends house. She watched them on Thursdays while I went to work. She told me about a helicopter crash in Iraq and my heart sank. My husband had been in Kuwait for a month. The night before I received an email that he would be on a flight that night to Iraq.
I drove to church and prayed. Prayed like I've never prayed in my entire life. And quite honestly it was a selfish prayer. Please. Don't let it be him. Please. Over and over and over.

Early afternoon came and my kids were home and down for their naps. The phone rang and it was a fellow Army wife. No names had been released yet. But she had found out the name of one of the guys who lost his life the night before. Sgt. Daniel Eshbaugh. My husband's best friend and the guy that my husband almost always, almost always, flew with. I screamed out like I had never done in my life and slammed the phone down. A life of grief and missery flashed before my eyes. A knock on my door was my next fear. And how would I tell my innocent little babies that daddy was not coming home.

My friends gathered around me. To hold my hand. To wait with me. I was waiting for the worst.  I was hoping for a miracle.

"No news is good news." ... Its a phrase military wives know all too well. I'd like to take that phrase and kick it where the sun doesn't shine. But they are words we live by, words we hang on to. And they are words that I  seem to have forgetten on September 18th, 2012. No news is good news.

The phone rang and I didn't want to answer. Something else I had forgotten in that moment. Bad news doesn't come through the phone lines, it comes up to your front door and into your house and slaps you across the face. But that day... that day I didn't have to face the bad news. My miracle happened. My prayers were answered. It wasn't him. The voice on the other end was an Army official who told me sternly but with some major compassion and a hint of assurance "No news is good news".

A few hours later, the phone rang and at the other end was my husbands voice. Alive. Alive and shattered after having just seen his best friend and 6 of other co-workers and brothers in arms go down in flames.

Each year when September comes (and other times through the year) I am reminded of how that day went. Of how that day DIDN'T go. Of how I got my happy ending and 7 families did not. I think of those long afternoon hours of dispair. I think of how that woman called me to tell me what she knew. Since then I have hated her. Hated her for what she did to me. She broke all the rules and I'll never know why. But its time to stop blaming her. I doubt she made the phone call knowing how I would react. I honestly just believe she didn't think at all. So its time to forgive her. And let it go. And honestly... had I not had those hours... maybe I wouldn't treasure what I have so much now. Maybe when times are bad, or boring, or normal, I wouldn't stop to think that my life couldn't have gone a different direction that afternoon. I am so grateful.

 

 

 

Red River 44, You are never forgotten.

9-11

The University of Oklahoma campus. Waiting in my car, listening to the radio. Confused about what they were talking about. Walked into the Michael F. Price college of business for my first class of the day. I had to walk passed the graduates lounge. A crowd was starting to form in the doorway. I hadn't planned on stopping, but the TV inside the lounge caught my eye. I heard a news anchor repeat "The World Trade Center in New York City has just been struck by an airplane". It was oddly quiet in the hall as more students gathered. The second plane struck. My stomach sank. We all knew this was no accident now. People began to murmur that we were surely going to war.
I walked to my class as it was about to start. The professor walked in and told us all to go home and stay there. I went home to my tiny apartment near campus. My eyes were glued to the TV. I cried. And cried. And cried.
I'm sure when I am old and gray (God willing) that this day will still be fresh in my mind and I will still shed tears. Tears of sorrow for the loss of so many innocent people. Tears of fear that there are people in this world capable of such madness. And tears of hope that one day we'll all be in the kingdom of heaven and we will sufer no more.

Where were you???

Psalm 30:5
"Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning"

Our life in iPhone pics...

We had spring break two weeks ago. The kids were out for 10 days. They loved it. I was off work for 8 of those days. It was wonderful!! I'm a big fan of spring break. Especially when you have really no place to be, no travel plans, no riding in the car for hours, no real plans. It was very relaxing. We did a lot of things, but we also took it easy.  First though... we went to the zoo. 

Here's the "baby" tiger. He's about 9 months old. 

Here's my hubby and the kids .Hubby just finished his second half marathon. Only 3 1/2 more weeks until he runs a FULL MARATHON. That's 26.2 miles people. 26 POINT 2. Yikes. 

We went roller skating. I promise she didn't hang onto the wall the entire time. ... She sat out some. Poor girl. Maybe next time. 

It's all about balance. ... And mood lighting. 

This is our new favorite fro-yo place. Any guesses? 

Barbies!!! 

The kids and I made cupcakes. Multi-colored cupcakes. For my birthday. Yes, I made my own birthday cupcakes. And they were delicious. I wish I took after pics, but they didn't last long enough! 

I successfully tricked this cutie into thinking washing dishes was fun. However, after I made the icing for my cupcakes she firmly told me "You can wash those dishes yourself". 

My bday dinner with the family and my parents. Any guesses to where we are?

 Its oh-so-classy, but hey.. we love it! 

My parents took the kids to the circus. This is not the circus. They had to leave a little early so Abby could join her team for a tournament, in which they lost all their games and still got trophies. I think organized sports can be a little "trophy heavy" sometimes. 

Also... for my birthday a group of ladies and I went to see The Hunger Games. This is the screen in the Directors Suites at our theater. To say it's THA BOMB is a slight understatement. Wish I had a picture of the recliners. Yes.... recliners! Holy seatwarmers batman! 

Again, here we are celebrating my birthday. Hey, what can I say... I like to celebrate. My wish on my actual bday was to hang out with my family. We mowed the yard, and then went to Bricktown and sat on the Patio at Zio's for lunch. I love sitting on the patio. I love lunch at Zios. I love cheesy-smiley pictures of this girl: 

And cheesy-smiley pictures of this boy: 

And cheesy-smiley pictures of this cerveza:

The week after spring break, I took another day off to take goofy, on the right, to get LASIK eye surgery done. He wore sunglasses for approximately 49.754 hours after the surgery. His vision went from really really bad, to 20/20. I'm next. Maybe. 

We went to see The Pioneer Woman. I was unaware that we would have to wait 9 hours to get our books signed, so we only stayed to hear her speak. On the way out of the book store, I acted like a stalker and snapped this picture. I was so close I could see her dimples. I'm not really sure what is up with the guy in the red shirt reading the paper. He sat there for awhile and was very un-impressed. 

Again, being the stalker fan that I am... I had to take this picture of Ree's SUV. You can see Abby, not posing in front of the vehicle as I had asked her. Wha? Its not insane to ask your 5yr old to pose in front of a dirty vehicle just because it belongs to a writer, photographer, cook, blogger, mom of 4 and wife of a rancher. 

This is the pond in my neighborhood. The neighbors call it a lake, but .. its a pond. It has a walking trail around it. Two laps = 1 mile. Two laps also = goose poop covered shoes. 

New kicks. (not covered in goose poop... yet) I'm starting this new thing... its called exercise. Specifically .. running. We'll see how it goes. Right now, my shins are not happy with this decision. 

Five

My monkey, my little kitten, my sweet sweet pumpkin-cutie-pie:

I love you to pieces. Five years ago today you came into this world and I stared at you with a sense that I knew EXACTLY who you were and yet I knew nothing. We have a connection that I can.not.explain. Its amazing. Its beautiful. I look at you and I see a cuter, spunkier version of myself. I am the luckiest person on this planet to have been chosen to be YOUR mama.
It breaks my heart that I will never again hold you as an infant, hear your toddler giggles, or see a toothless grin. But I have so much joy in being able to watch you grow taller, hear your exaggerated stories, and listen to you sing along to my favorite songs.
I look forward to seeing what year 5 holds for us. Your wit, your beauty, your humor, your compassion, its all growing and you are becoming a little lady that I am proud to say to the world "This is my daughter".

Little Diva

So Abby has become a little obsessed with the show, Toddlers & Tiaras. We saw a commercial for it once while watching Cake Boss (we love that show!) and she was mesmerized. The bling, the dresses, the make up, the .... pageant walk. It was just too much. She said "I have to watch that!". Since they were airing it after her bedtime (with good reason) I told her I would record it and we would watch it together the next day. OIY. I had never seen the show before and boy were we in for a treat. HA!
Now, I must say this.. I'm not against pageants. HOWEVER... I believe these pageants are a little over the top and I could never see myself spending so much money on a poofy dress (which really, I think they are all pretty hideous). Plus it just seems like torture to some of these girls. I'm not really sure that a pageant will teach a child much about self-worth when its pretty much based on looks alone. How could it not be when these kids are 1,2,3,4.. I mean really?! But I digress... If a parent wants to enter their daughter in a pageant that's fine and dandy for them.
So this weekend was a Toddlers & Tiaras marathon. It was a lazy Sunday afternoon and I was flipping channels and landed on this crazy show, which is kinda like a train wreck. You can't help but watch. And of course Abby sat and watched in between playing cops and robbers with her brother (she's very diverse, you know).
Yesterday she asked for a make over, Toddlers & Tiaras style. Only, I was not allowed to curl her hair. So of course, I gave in. I always loved to play dress-up as a little girl too. This wasn't me trying to make her an adult or mature too quickly, it was just pure innocent play and great mommy-daughter bonding time. We talked as I fixed her hair and her make up. She put one of her favorite dresses on and borrowed some earrings from me and it was fun. Once she was made up she was back to playing and being a kid.

Edited to note: this post was not stolen from Pioneer Woman. However, I think its pretty hilarious that we were doing the same thing this weekend!

What's In The Bag?

Ever been to a baby shower or wedding shower where they play that game where they call out random things and you have to try to find it in your bag or purse? The one with the most random crazy things wins. I love that game. And when my kiddos were a little younger I used to carry more random silly things, of course they are still young and from time-to-time you will most certainly find a McDonald's Happy Meal toy (or two) in my purse, maybe a half eaten cookie or sucker, and almost always an empty fruit snack wrapper (we call them gummies). 

When I saw my friend at A Snapshot of Us had done this post (inspired by Laurie at The Corner Slice Blog), I knew I had to join in. I didn't know what I would find in my bag and to my surprise, it wasn't anything all that exciting. But it was a good chance to clean it out. So here's what I found: 

This is my Summer purse. I love it. I think its some name brand, but I have no idea what. I bought it at the PX at an Army base the summer my husband was deployed. It was probably $65, and to some that is a steal, but I have never spent so much on a bag.  However...  its a BIG pink bag, so the price tag was worth it. Plus retail therapy was big for me that year.   

(1.) This would be my gum section. I almost always have gum. The Orbit gum belongs to Abby, which she has forgotten all about. I am currently telling the kids "I'm all out of gum today, sorry". They ask if they can have gum about 267 times a day. (2.) One of Abby's bows. Its not odd to find one two  ten of her bows in my purse. We start the day off with a bow and in my purse is where they end up. (3.) Hand sanitzer and contact solution (4.) $1.18 in change, just enough to buy one snow cone at the next tball game and have change left over (5.) No clue what these are called, but they are used to hold up your rolled-up sleeves. Abby uses them for her tball uniform and I think they make her look like a super-serious ball player (6.) Free lotion from Ulta - Va Va Vanilla (7.) DayQuil for those random not-feeling-well-days. 

(1.) Children's Pepto. Cause my kids' tummies sometimes hurt. (2.) My go-to lip color selection. From L to R: Maybelline -Sandstone Shimmer, Neutragena's MoistureShine Lip Soother - Shimmer 10 (this one is AWESOME, sometimes I wear it alone, sometimes on top of a color), Clinique - Angelic,  Maybelline - Mocha Ice (3.) Clinique Stay Neutral powder which is now like two shades to light thanks to my summer tan (4.) hair brush (5.) a necklace I wore to work about three weeks ago, it was a little heavy so it landed in the purse (6.) Clean & Clear Oil Absorbing sheets. Can't live without these things!! Sokes up the oil and gets rid of shine without messing up makeup. (7.) anytime someone asks "Does anyone have a pen?" I'm always the one that has one. Always.

(1.) My wallet, its cute but doesn't close very well (2.) Coupon for local theme parks that I'm sure I'll never use, but can't throw away (3.) notes. One of these is a calendar I print out each month that lists what bills are due when. Its my life-line for my finances (4.) Car loan book with note (5.) Old checks, book of deposit slips, and check book. Its a little ridiculous, I know (6.) Dentist appointment reminder and envelope for church giving (7.) photo book that my kids always ask to look at when they are bored (8.) keys to home and office and car keys to the rental that I'm driving while my car is in the shop. I've been the driver of a white Buick Lucerne for about a week now. And while I feel like I'm a 75 year-old grandma while driving it, it really is a nice car!

Not pictured: Cell phone, walmart bag (to use for an emergency laundry bag - you mom's know), 4 receipts, 8 gum wrappers, 3 loose pieces of gum, and crumbs from I'm really not sure what.